Unequally Yoked: The Dangers of Dating Outside of Christ
- Ray Reynolds, Ph.D.
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
When I was a teenager, and attending Bible classes, we had a teacher that drilled an important concept into our heads: “You will marry someone you date.” In other words, you shouldn’t date someone you don’t plan to marry one day. This changed the way I looked at dating. It also affected the way I taught my boys about relationships.
As Christians, our faith is not just a part of our lives; it is our life. It shapes our worldview, our values, our decisions, and ultimately, our eternal hope. So, when it comes to something as significant as choosing a life partner, it stands to reason that our faith should play a central role. While the allure of someone who doesn't share your beliefs can be strong, the Bible offers clear guidance on the dangers of being "unequally yoked" with unbelievers, particularly in matters of intimate relationships.
The Apostle Paul addresses this directly in II Corinthians 6:14-15: "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?" In this blog I want to explore some of the potential pitfalls of dating outside of the Christian faith. This will give us insight into what happens when we date non-Christians and are unusually yoked. I see at least 4 major issues.
1. Divided Hearts Leads To A Divided Home
Imagine building a house where the foundation is split down the middle. One side is built on solid rock, the other on shifting sand. This is a powerful image for a relationship where one person is committed to Christ and the other is not. This is what Paul imagined in II Corinthians 6:14-15 and what Jesus taught in Matthew 12:25-28. A house must be united, with a strong foundation, or it will fail (falter, fall, topple, crash, etc.).
This isn't about judging individuals; it's about recognizing fundamental differences in worldview and ultimate allegiance. When one person is striving to live for God and the other is not, conflict is inevitable. How will you make decisions about finances, raising children, spending leisure time, or even how you approach suffering and joy? These core areas of life will be pulling in different directions.
2. Spiritual Compromise Leads To Failure
One of the most insidious dangers is the subtle, and sometimes not-so-subtle, pressure to compromise your faith. When your partner doesn't share your convictions, they may not understand or support your spiritual disciplines—your prayer life, church attendance, Bible study, or ministry involvement.
Over time, you might find yourself drifting from your spiritual disciplines. To avoid conflict or to simply spend more time with your partner, you might neglect your time with God. Priorities matter (Proverbs 3:6, Matthew 6:33). Your partner's values may differ from biblical ones, making it easier for you to justify behaviors that go against your conscience. This leads you to embrace sin.
Failure to stand for what is right will hinder your influence. If your faith isn't evident in your relationship, how can you effectively share the Gospel with others?
Hebrews 12:1 reminds us to "lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." An unequally yoked relationship can become a significant "weight" that hinders your spiritual race.
3. Your Decision Will Affect Others
If you envision a future with children, consider the profound impact your choice of partner will have on their spiritual upbringing. How will your children learn about Jesus if one parent is indifferent or even hostile to the faith? While you can certainly teach them, the unity of parents in spiritual matters is a powerful force for good.
Proverbs 22:6 states, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." This training is most effective when both parents are in agreement and actively pursuing a godly home environment. The statistics prove that unequally yoked marriages have an uphill climb. A dangerous, treacherous journey awaits you.
4. Christians Seek A Different Purpose for Life
Ultimately, Christians have a singular purpose: to glorify God and advance His kingdom. This shapes our priorities and aspirations. When you date someone outside your faith, their ultimate purpose in life will inherently be different. While they may be a good person, kind, and loving, their definition of a "good life" will not be centered on Christ.
Matthew 6:33 encourages us: "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." How can you truly seek the kingdom first when your most intimate relationship pulls you in a different direction? How can you be in covenant with someone who isn’t in covenant with God.
Trust in God's Wisdom
Dating can be challenging, and finding a suitable partner can feel daunting. However, God's Word is not meant to restrict us but to protect and guide us toward the best possible life. The principles of being equally yoked are not arbitrary rules; they are divine wisdom designed to lead us to deeper intimacy with God and healthier, more fulfilling relationships with others.
Before entering into a relationship with someone who doesn't share your faith, prayerfully consider these potential dangers. Trust that God has a perfect plan for your life, and His guidance in this crucial area is for your ultimate good. Seek a partner who will draw you closer to Christ, not pull you away. The blessings of a truly Christ-centered relationship are immeasurable.
You are loved.
Ray Reynolds, PhD
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